413c820bb21cd09a23535c140057f83729ced692af2597b84f .post-body img { max-width:1000px; height:auto; } Friday We're In Love: Some Thoughts on Eternal Marriage Google

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Some Thoughts on Eternal Marriage


Sorry to share thoughts instead of a date, but I just feel so strongly like I should!

Sunday we went to church, where we separate for part of it into men's and women's groups for a lesson/discussion on spiritual topics.  Jacob actually taught the men.  The lesson was on marriage and the eternal nature of that relationship.  This is something we both deem as a "happy-feel good lesson," one you should come out happy and feeling inspired by.  Sadly, we both had the opposite experience.

Lots of negative experiences were shared in the women's and the men's classes.  Jacob tried so hard to turn things positively and asked for tips on how to make marriages eternal.  He said there were crickets for a long time.  Then out of almost 100 guys he had 3 step up and make suggestions like forgiving, serving, "holding your tongue."  He was grateful for 3 men willing to share.  But, he said it sat quiet for a long time after when he finally was the one to say, "OK, I guess I'll give some ideas we've talked about as a newlywed couple."  He did.  Including dating and communication.  He came home very upset that afternoon remarking that either there are so many shy people, so many bad marriages, or so many people with apathetic or negative attitudes towards marriage.

He turned to me and said, "You know what, we are onto something with this dating and open discuss about our relationship thing we do!"
I laughed.  I reminded him how he had to talk me into getting married because my experience has shown that love seems to fade with the majority of married couples who turn into a sort of business partners.  I asked Jacob if he understood my fears before marriage better after this experience.  He emphatically said he did.
We decided that it's time to commit ourselves again to our mission to make sure this is forever.  We renewed our pact- we're not going to let our relationship fade.  We're not going to take a backseat in marriage.  We want to act like newlyweds our whole lifetime!  We're going to work hard to stay happy so one day when we're asked for tips we can share more than just the ones we've learned as an older newlywed couple.

I hope our readers are committed too!  I hope you all decide to be proponents of marriage and the ability to make it last forever!  I hope you're dating, I hope you're learning to forgive, I hope you're learning to love and serve each other more each day.  I hope you all feel as we do, love really can last with some work!

We are a couple with neither party consisting of a shred of hopeless romanticism, but I think Sunday made us decide that we're going to work and give so that "Happily Ever After" is a reality, one date at a time.  


5 comments:

  1. Great, great post, and probably nothing more needed. What is happening in the church isn't working that great...yes, there really are that many horrible marriages. We need examples like you guys to make it real. Thank you so much for sharing and committing.

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  2. Camille, your comment intrigued me as I was in the same lesson on Sunday and thought about the same questions that were asked but chose not to comment. I must say that I don't believe there are "that" many horrible marriages as what might be perceived. When men and women are in the trenches of marriages and building a forever family/marriage they are doing just that... Working in the trenches...those in marriage soon understand that it takes full commitment and selflessness to make it work and in turn that is the excitement of the journey. Probably those unwilling to share experiences have either decided that their experiences are too personal to share or when "in the trenches" forget to see the benefits that are soon to come. If going into marriage thinking that it's all fun and games and don't expect that the future requires you to strive for success like any job or friendship or whatever, then it will eventually fail. The beauty of marriage is that you get to achieve and fail and learn from together.

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  3. By the way, I applaud you desire to stay forever newlyweds. It's a noble goal and totally achievable contrary to what many think.

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  4. Camille this was such a great post!! I have to share a bit. I am divorced and I was married for 11 years before I got divorced (with my ex for 18 yrs - H.S. sweethearts). I tried my darndest to make it work, counseling, dating again, etc. My ex-husband was abusive and for years I denied it. It wasn't until a very traumatic event at the end of my marriage that I realized that it didn't matter how much I tried to make things work, it never was if my ex wasn't willing to admit and get help. It was the most difficult thing I went through, but I moved on. After this experience I really did start to doubt marriage and started believing that I would never get married again. But after doing counseling, a lot of soul searching, going through a basic re-birth and finding someone who treats me with respect, kindness and love I have started to believe in marriage and see it in a totally different way. I realize that marriage takes work, being in-love and staying in-love takes work and when I say work, I mean it takes a passionate effort from both people involved. I believe in marriage again and I most importantly believe in myself in marriage and that when you find the right person who is willing to put forth the effort to stay in love with you too, you can have an eternal marriage.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks so much for sharing your story! I've been there too, divorce is so awful even when it's in an abusive marriage. I too was skeptical for so long, but with therapy and faith I found so much healing. Marriage is work, but fun work when it's with the right person and you're both committed to helping each other. I hope love and happiness come your way and that you find everything your didn't have before!

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